Had a startling revelation today. I’ve had this idea in my head that life is a series of attainable milestones. As I achieved one, I could look to the next and live my entire life in the same manner. There was a vague blur in the future after ‘buy a house’, but I assumed that I would create a goal once I reached it.
The revelation I had was this: sometimes the goal isn’t attainable, quantifiable, or even feasible. Most people don’t have this goal progression at all. I myself won’t have it, and I probably shouldn’t focus on it as a way of structuring my life.
This was prompted by my other half admitting that he’d never intended to have children, or at most one, and even then it would be in his mid thirties. We’re in our mid-twenties and have been together since we were eighteen. This has given me a lot to think about, not least how normal people manage to look at the future without cringeing – the same reaction I have, in fact, when faced with any area full of people without a specific task to get me through it.
Beyond ‘buy a house’, it’s probably going to be ‘do up this room’, ‘do up that room’, maybe even ‘career change’. The issue with that? It’s not getting bigger and better. It’s not true progression. And I don’t want to put all that energy into working for someone else anyway.
My small person has previously said that he thinks the age of twenty is old. Until today, I hadn’t realised I was thinking exactly the same way.